Letting the stress of unplanned or unwanted events influence the way you react to and view the world will always lead to turmoil. Living with a mind-set of negativity and fear will blind you to the miraculous flow of bliss, which is within and around you always.

I spent the better part of twenty years frustrated and unhappy with my life. Although I accomplished much more than I could ever have imagined possible, I still lived in a state of dissatisfaction. One would think being a Navy SEAL (the elite special warfare unit) would have been the pinnacle of my life, but I looked upon my military profession with disdain. Then I was living my childhood dream, playing guitar in a rock band, but irritability and aggravation permeated the mood of that environment. Years later, while running my scuba diving company, a day job that many people envied, I felt only petulance and exasperation. I dated many great women from all walks of life, but all my relationships ended in disaster. I moved from state to state, career to career and woman to woman, with no psychological or emotional liberation. I felt lost and I was suffering. I was wasting this precious life and something had to change. And one day, it did.

I often hiked to help temporarily alleviate the stress in my life. Being in the mountains took me to another place where I could, if only for a short time, escape the turmoil of my life. Waking up one morning angrier and more stressed than usual, I decided to forego work and hike a mountain near my home. As I stomped my way to the top, each footstep reverberated with anger. Hiking always helped relieve my anxiety, but I was finding little release this day. I knew I could not go on living like this. I had to figure something out, and fast. For almost a decade, I was unhappy and frustrated with wherever I was and with whatever I was doing. I knew my own choices had brought me to where I was, but that only made me feel worse. I had made the choices, so I must have deserved to feel that way. Despite my best efforts, I was not where I thought I would be. My business was extremely time-consuming and stressful, money always seemed short, my relationships were disastrous and I felt utterly alone in the world.

When I reached the summit, I found a quiet place to sit and think. I looked out and took in the beauty of the mountains and lakes. The warm summer breeze felt good on my face, and the many sounds of nature slightly quieted my mind and eased my tension. Exhausted, I laid back on a huge boulder to relax. I felt helpless and I prayed for an answer to come my way. My head was pounding so I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep. I woke about forty minutes later, feeling kind of strange.

As I refocused my vision out over the breathtaking landscape, everything seemed surreal. It was so quiet, peaceful and unaffected by the chaotic state of the world. It was as if my worries and frustration were still sleeping. For a moment I thought perhaps I was just dreaming, but I was not. I wondered why life could not be this peaceful all the time. I took a deep breath and felt myself expanding into the vastness of the mountains. For the moment, I was on top of the world. Anything seemed feasible, and my mind was open to all the amazing possibilities of what I could do and be. I was elatedin a pure state of momentary ecstasy. If only it could last.

Quietly relishing the moment, I had what some might call an epiphany. I realized that all my problems were still waiting for me at the bottom of this mountain. Nothing had changed, yet something seemed very different. Why was I so happy here and now on the top of this mountain, but not happy at the bottom?

I sat thinking about this for a while, and then something occurred to me. I had heard it many times before, but never really grasped the concept. Bliss is a state of minda choice, a simple choice. While sleeping on the mountain, I had unconsciously connected with the flowing bliss of life. What if I actively chose to stay in this state as I hiked down the trail? Would it work, could it work? I decided to try. I figured if I could mentally bring myself back to this spot whenever I began to feel stressed or overwhelmed, I could reconnect with that feeling of bliss.

Before I left the serene summit for the turbid waters of normal life, I captured the essence of the moment in my head. I took a mental snapshot of the scenery, the smells, the sounds, and how I felt at that moment in timeempty of stress, full of peace. What I did next was the key to my success; in my mind, I created a Bliss Boxa special gold box for that moment to exist. In it, I put the embodiment of everything that helped to create the perfect peace I felt. I tied up the box with a gold ribbon and placed it on a storage shelf in my mind. I knew I could count on opening it later, and in the days that followed I was thoroughly amazed to find how well my Bliss Box worked.

Sometimes you can’t control the situations you find yourself in, but you can control your emotions and your actions. By creating your own Bliss Box, you can find peace and harmony any time you choose.

It is said that to be human is to suffer, and yes this world can be a painful, harsh place. But it is the way you look at things that dictates the circumstances surrounding your life and the way you perceive the world. Contentment comes from within, and no amount of searching or material gain will lead you to blissful living. You and only you hold the key to happinessuse it often.

David Ferruolo is the author of ‘Connecting with the Bliss of Life; Powerful Lessons for Living a Peaceful and Happy Life.’ He is a former Navy SEAL, who has chosen a spiritual path. A lifetime of interest in philosophies and metaphysics gives David a vast knowledge bank of information for his writing and success coaching practice. David’s life has been nothing less than inspirational. For more information visit http://www.daveferruolo.com

Too often trials and errors affect our self-esteem and therefore hinder true engagement in learning and changing. It’s very comforting to have a routine, and very frightening to go forward to the unknown. Its takes courage and determination. This is nothing new. You have done it before, perhaps not deliberately but you have gone through many changes during your life.

Change is stressful. No doubt about it. Why not make it as stressless as possible? Try to consider the following:

Uderstand the intentions, motivations, and desires of your new endeavours. Acknowledge the strengths and constraint it will bring. Allow yourself to take risks and not to take any fall back personally. Remember trials and errors are part of learning and being alive.

Compel to understand, to appreciate one’s feelings, fears and motivations; be sure to use such information to better your life. Use this information to guide your thinking and action.

Let go of negative thoughts, integrate new ideas with what you already know and use the new information to move forward. Be flexible, allow for new and different ways to achieve your goal, it might bring you different opportunities at the end. Why not supply yourself with options. Have some contingencies as backup plans, it will calm down this feeling of vulnerability.

Unfortunately too often as adults we want to do everything ourselves…mistakes. We are not alone; tons of people have been through changes, often similar to ours; seek and accept support from others. They experienced it, they might know something you haven’t’ thought about. Give it a try.

Don’t disown your future, own it. You make your life, take it as a movie set if you like; you are the director, the main actor and the editor. How do you want the story to ensue?

Ask yourself those fundamental questions:

What am I like?
What do I want to be like?
What are my strengths?
What are my weaknesses?
What do I need?
What do I want?
Who could help me?
Want is my plan?

Know that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. Now is an opportunity to reflect and act upon those thoughts. Changing is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

Until next time,
be conscious, flexible in your approach and make yourself happy.

Lynne
Team of Motivationalcentral.com

Making Positive Changes

Instead of saying “I don’t know”
Say “I’ll find out”.
Instead of seeing a problem for every answer,
Try seeing an answer for every problem
Instead of saying “That’s not my job”,
See what has to be done and do it.
Instead of making promises,
Make commitments
Instead of looking at what can’t be done,
Look at what can be done
When a mistake is made, instead of saying “It wasn’t my fault”
Say “I was wrong”.
Instead of side-stepping most issues,
Try making decisions
Instead of saying “I’m not as bad as a lot of others”,
Say “I’m good, but not as good as I can be”.
Instead of saying “That’s the way it has always been done”,
Say “There ought to be a better way”.
Instead of saying “It may be possible, but it’s too difficult”,
Say “It may be difficult but it’s not impossible”.
Taken from “Positive Works” from Alberta Advanced Education and Career Development

If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favor and “pay it forward.”

If a friend DID forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting us.
www.motivationalcentral.com

Lynne Dean created Motivational Central, an online information service for seekers of general self improvement, in January 2005.

Being a simple government part time worker and mother to a lovely son, she welcome the challenged to communicate and built a web site where positive vibes and motivation tips would be share to the world. A hobby it is, but what a fun and interesting thing to do!
http://www.motivationalcentral.com

“We’re building up and tearing down, in everything we do. Are you on the construction gang or the wrecking crew?

Think about this statement and how it applies to you. Some have a difficult time in their lives as they have self defeating behaviors that continue to keep themselves stuck. As children, if we were raised in unhealthy families, we often learned ways of coping that worked while we were children. Eventually these coping strategies lose their power and affect as adults. Then, we often find ourselves in a state of crisis.

Are you helping or hindering yourself?

Imagine yourself with a beautiful bouquet of balloons walking into a room filled with many people. You want to share these balloons with others. Do you walk into a room filled with people holding hatpin’s? Or, do you walk into the room filled with smiling and friendly people?

Think about it! Sometimes professional help is needed to wade through the problems and crisis areas. There are many qualified counselors out there in every state. So take a chance.

Karlynn Baker is originally from California but moved to Arizona to receive her Master of Science Degree in Rehabilitation Counseling with a speciality in addictions. She owns The Employee Assistance Program of Tucson, Inc. helping contracted employees with mental health concerns. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor for the state of Arizona, and a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor. She also shares a positive message every morning on KSAZ 580 AM. She enjoys life with her husband, David, her three daughters, and adorable grandsons.

At first, you might read this and say, well, so what? Somebody has to be on top, right?

But the Tigers are a franchise that hasn’t been competitive for DECADES. Comparatively, the famously losing Cubs have been in the fast lane, while Detroit has been asleep at the wheel.

What happened, enabling this squad to reverse its fortunes?

They made some smart moves, one of which was bringing Jim Leyland out of managerial retirement. Additionally, they weren’t afraid to obtain quality talent through trades, taking on alleged “attitude cases” and misfits along the way, who still had fire in the belly and proven skills.

But really, the lesson of the Tigers that we can all take to heart is this one:

They simply grew sick and tired of losing and they resolved to change the pattern.

Jim Leyland kicked his team in the rear side with an early season press conference in which he chastised them for their lackluster play, indicating it wouldn’t be acceptable to him or to the fans.

And from that point to this one, they’ve been on fire.

Take the hint, if you’ve been experiencing more than your share of rejection and disappointments.

Don’t tolerate them, anymore, and you’ll quickly find the road back to success!

However, this man was brilliant, creative, and educated. He had gained much experience while traveling throughout the world. Yet, he became very depressed after his accident. He was afraid that he would spend his life suffering and would no longer be able to use his life in a meaningful way.

One day, he remembered how he had always loved getting letters. He realized that he still had partial function of his right hand and could write with difficulty. Then, he had an idea. “Why not write to other people who need encouragement?”

He wondered where he could find other people who felt alone and could be encouraged if they read his letters. He thought of people in prisons. Many of these people had hope of regaining their freedom. Others would keep feeling dejected and remain locked away for the rest of their lives. He decided that he must try to reach them.

He wrote to a prison ministry about sending letters to the inmates. The prison minister replied that writing to the inmates would be acceptable. However, it would be against prison rules for the inmates to write back. The reply stated, “Unfortunately, your letters will not be answered.”

Filled with the intention of his idea, the man knew he had to write his letters. He began sending one-way messages of God’s love, hope, strength, and encouragement.

He wrote twice a week, testing his strength and ability to the limit. He poured his heart and soul into his words, sharing his experience, sense of humor, optimism, and faith.

It was difficult to write those letters, especially without hope of a reply. Frequently, he felt discouraged. He often wondered if anyone actually read his letters. However, this was his one remaining chance, a truly worthwhile purpose. He resolved to continue as long as God gave him the encouragement and strength to write.

One day he received a letter from the prison ministry. It was a short note from the officer who monitored and censored the prison mail.

The letter said, “Please write on the best paper you can afford. Your letters are passed from cell to cell until they literally fall to pieces!”

No matter what circumstances life may present, we all have unique experiences, abilities, and God-given talents. We can discover ways to reach others who desperately need messages of encouragement and strength. This discovery begins with a commitment to what our hearts tell us is a worthwhile purpose.

When we commit to a worthwhile purpose, we begin to fill needs, often in miraculous ways. Intention and commitment grow stronger when we have very important reasons to follow a dream.

Ask yourself these questions:

What has been my best response to challenging, unexpected situations?

What reasons would I need to make a commitment to my most cherished dream?

How could I use a skill or talent to bring life-changing encouragement to someone today?

William Arthur Ward wrote, “A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”

You can begin writing letters of encouragement and strength by thinking faith-filled thoughts. Then, act with faith in your ideas, talent, and purpose. Helping others receive encouragement will create self-encouragement and reveal the blessings that your unique purpose will bring to the world.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

The decade I worked at AOL enabled me to live an often dream-like existence in my work world. Dream-like because we had an inspiring vision and mission within which I was given opportunities to create and contribute at levels not often offered to people my age. Yet my personal life was far from dream-like. In the fall of 1997, I finally had the courage to reclaim my life from a debilitating marriage, to rescue it, and recreate it as something that fulfilled and inspired me.

I didn’t know for sure what shape my dream would take, though I knew it would have some of the same characteristics I’d experienced at AOL: purposeful, positive, fun, authentic, satisfying. I also believed that for me to be truly alive and be truly myself my path was going to look different than my past, different than I originally thought it would take.

The only thing that could have prevented me from finding my new path was the “odds” that I might not be able to muster the courage to pursue it. Whether it’s being different from others or simply being different from who I’d been, what would hold me back, if I let it, was not having the guts to take the risk to venture into unknown territory. “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” said French novelist Andre Gide. I couldn’t grab hold of the next version of Mary until I let go of the last. And circumstances were helping me to move on. For all the hard effort I’d put into my marriage, it still wasn’t working. For all the success I’d had at AOL I was being blocked to grow my career as I wanted.

At first I took these realizations very hard. Then I recognized how these circumstances were giving me the chance to get closer to the person I was meant to be and to the next set of things I was meant to do. So, I consented to lose sight of the shore.

Years ago I had a faint inkling to write a book about my lessons learned at AOL. Now I’ve written two books! When I started writing my first manuscript, I had no idea that I would start my own company to spread the bodacious message or speak in front of hundreds of women or conduct teleseminars or any of the activities I do today. All I knew is that I had to rescue my dreams and courageously walk forward.

In our tumultuous world, it’s easy to forget to dream and believe anything is possible, but, it truly is. And, it starts with allowing yourself to dream of what’s possible for your career, business, and life. Will you join me in rescuing our dreams?

Copyright 2006 Mary Foley

During a successful, demanding, rising through the ranks 10 year career with America Online Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous – bodacious! Today Mary inspires women everywhere to be bodacious in their lives, careers and businesses. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s e-book “How to Be Courageously in Charge of Your Life and Lovin’ It!” at http://www.gobodacious.com !

Personally, we think there are four major criteria that make a champion. You probably know what they are: Talent, courage, tenacity and mind set. You have each of them but do you use them?

Guess what! You have the talent to become a champion. But first it is a case of identifying what your talent is. It is easy if you have a talent for running, swimming, cycling, football or any sporting talent but we are talking of a talent that is not readily identifiable but can make you into a champion.
.

Stop for a moment. We want you to take a little time and think about your own talents and qualities. Just let your mind roll back and list all your achievements. All the things never mind how big or small that YOU consider to be an achievement in your life.

Now review your list. Can you see a pattern?

Listen to yourself…… What do you feel is important to you. Be honest.

What are you good at?

What do you like doing?

Are YOU competitive?

Does your pattern and your inside voice show you, you get your kicks from helping others; being useful to society or does money motivate you?

Now you are sure you have talent. Perhaps there is a natural energy about you. A way in which others naturally listen to what you have to say. Perhaps it is an ability to make others follow you. Perhaps you are naturally persistent. You find others naturally do what you suggested. Perhaps you have natural courage. Perhaps it is a talent that is easily recognisable like painting, drawing, playing football or whatever.

Whatever it is you are now able to identify your key core skills, your talents. The skills that you use when you are functioning at your full potential.

But there is a long road between identifying your talents and being a champion. If you want to be a champion you need to harness other talents. Those that have been on idle or haven’t been used at all because you are totally preoccupied with a certain way of living. Those that have, for whatever reason, been pushed into the background and forgotten. In our experience, people often sabotage their own efforts. They are aware they have special skills, abilities and qualities but they keep them turned off most of the time. They go through life only make effort when they want to make effort. Then and only then do they fully utilise their hidden talents. At that time, and that time only, are they at their most alert.

Think for a moment and list your hidden, natural talents that you know exist but are not being fully used.

The point is now you have written down and accepted both your hidden and surface skills, abilities and qualities do you have the courage to use them to reach your full potential.
Do you have the courage to succeed?

Do you have the courage to accept that there is a different life out there for you? A life where you are a champion. A person who lives or wants to live to their full potential.

Do you have the courage to go against the ‘natural’ flow dictated by others? To overcome the dream stealers with their pronouncements of gloom. For example: “you can’t make money out of that”. “You are not good enough”. “Do you know how many people have tried to make a living doing that?” Etc etc etc. All destined to stop you from fulfilling your potential.

If you want to reach your potential. If you want to succeed. You have to have courage. The courage to focus on your skills, abilities, qualities, talents and stay with them and work out how you can best live a full life rather than one you feel you ought to live in order to keep others happy and make a living.

Now you have identified all your attributes and have the courage to move forward do you have the tenacity to be a champion?.
Do you have the determination to keep going when all appears to be against you?
Can you dig deep and keep focussed on your dream when others are putting you down? Tenacity means the ability to keep focussed on your dream.
To be determined to improve your skills, talent and abilities day in day out.
To Practice. For example: A musician has a talent, skills and abilities but is useless without daily practice. Do you have the tenacity, the determination to practice your skills daily? If you are a writer do you write every day? If you are a salesperson do you practice your product knowledge everyday? Are you totally aware of your competitors product? Are you aware of the most likely questions a potential customer is likely to ask? Do you talk to someone everyday about you product? If you are a web designer do you practice every day? Are you a member of numerous forums to hone your skills?

Whatever your skill is, whatever your talent is, do you practice it every day. Do you constantly search the web and other periodicals for information about your skills and abilities to make you better than everyone else? Or are you satisfied with your level of skill? Are you driven to be a champion or do you accept second, third, fourth….place?

What is your mindset? What are the thoughts that run your life? Are they negative or positive? Do you tell yourself that providing you scrape by all is well? If only I can earn $20,000 dollars a year I will be OK. Or do you tell yourself to use your abilities, skills and qualities to the full each and every day? Whatever motivates you; money, prestige, social conscience, whatever, look at your mindset? Do you have the thoughts of a champion or the thoughts of a competitor?.

So what makes champions? Talent, Courage, Tenacity and Mindset. The ability to constantly make an effort. The ability to work at what you want. The ability to believe in yourself. The ability to keep going when others have thrown in the towel. The ability to realise that you can achieve your dream. The ability to keep focussed. Talent and mental strength. The willingness to keep practicing, keep developing your talent irrespective of what others say. You have the ability. You have the talent. All you have to do is believe in yourself.

What makes a champion? The invisible world of Talent, Courage, Tenacity and Mindset. This is what makes a champion.

Good Luck

Graham and Julie

To improve your intuition, initiative and energy levels please go to:
http://www.desktop-meditation.com. It’s free.

Coaching and mentoring, whether on an executive level or for overall staff, are increasingly being recognised as important in employee development. It is acknowledged by senior management in many organisations that their company will thrive if they offer some form of coaching and mentoring to their staff.

We are particularly aware at how much this trend for coaching and mentoring has grown in the UK, as this is where most of our clients are based.

We work with companies who automatically assign a mentor to new employees, some who leave it up to the employee to seek out a coach for themselves, some who don’t or won’t see the advantage of having coaches for their people and just about everything in between.

Fortunately, many more companies are giving their people an understanding of the benefits of coaching and mentoring, of which there are many, and more people are training and acquiring qualifications in coaching and mentoring than ever before.

What Coaching and Mentoring Training is available?

People can get a professional qualification in coaching and mentoring, a certificate in coaching and mentoring; there are many courses offering training in coaching development, creative mentoring, career coaching, face to face training, on-line training, workplace mentoring, becoming a coaching and mentoring consultant, building a coaching network, business approaches to coaching and mentoring, distance learning, management mentoring, staff coaching, in house training courses, ‘out’ house training courses. There are basic courses and advanced coaching and mentoring training and qualifications.

The list truly is endless!

It seems as though everyone from business schools to the corner shop is getting on the coaching and mentoring bandwagon.

This isn’t a bad thing.

How do I know what to do?

The only problem is that for someone who has never used a coach or mentor before, it can all be very confusing.

For those who want to train to become a coach or mentor, the choices can seem daunting: ‘Where do I begin?’

For companies who want to initiate a coaching and mentoring programme, they want reassurance of the tangible benefits and return on their investment.

What we aim to do here is to give you a brief overview, understanding and insight into just exactly what coaching and mentoring means, some coaching and mentoring theory and to give our view on what it takes to be a good coach or mentor.

Coaching and Mentoring overview

Is there a difference between Coaching and Mentoring?

We’re going to cop out here and say there probably can’t be a definitive answer to this. The two terms seem to be increasingly linked and are often used interchangeably.

These happen to be our definitions, but we’re sure you’ll find a bunch of others if you look around.

Coaching: we see a business, corporate or executive coach in much the way we see a sports coach. This person sets specific goals and objectives, sees what you need to do to achieve them and works with you on target setting, professional and personal development, expansion of your skills base and offers practical and relevant advice and guidance.

Mentoring: a mentor can almost be seen as a wise, experienced friend or favourite aunt or uncle type person. A mentor leads by example and is a role model. They might be very good at helping you see the big picture and understand the politics of the organisation you work for.

A coach can be a mentor and a mentor can be a coach, or the role can be rolled into one. The key is that whatever term you use, the person being coached or mentored gets unbiased support and guidance.

Benefits of Coaching and Mentoring

When you work with a coach or mentor you will benefit in many ways:

Have a safe place to offload

Develop skills you already have

Learn new skills

Gain insight into yourself and the people you work with

Get unbiased, confidential support

Gain fresh perspectives on your issues

Get advice, suggestions and options

Coaching and Mentoring Theory

We’re probably the wrong company to ask about coaching and mentoring theory. As a matter of fact, we’re not too hot on theory since we believe that you can’t pigeonhole people and impose a template of how coaching and mentoring should look.

On one level, we suppose that you could say that having a counselling skill is a good ‘theoretical’ place to start. The principles that a good counsellor needs to have are equally true for good coaches and mentors:

Maintains confidentiality

Excellent listening and responding skills

Non-judgemental

Objective outlook

Advises rather than tells

Has the ‘mentee’s’ best interests at heart

Coaching and Mentoring Development

Coaching and Mentoring Training

As we said earlier, the list is endless when it comes to ’stuff’ around coaching and mentoring. There are stacks of training courses, programmes, qualifications, certificates and workshops all claiming to provide you with the skills needed to become a coach and/or mentor.

We can’t say which of these is any good. There are some essentials to look for when finding the right training for you.

No promises about outcomes

It shouldn’t cost the earth

It needs to have a high degree of integrity

It should be practical and experiential

You should feel a compatibility with the people running it

You should be given lots of individual suggestions on how to develop yourself as a coach/mentor

Trust your tummy! Meet up before you sign up and ask lots of questions.

An example of someone who’s ‘doing it’

We can, however, give you an insight into one of the people within Impact Factory who is a coach and mentor and the range of skills she has which help her do the job.

Jo Ellen Grzyb, one of the founding partners, has an eclectic background, which we believe is a good place to start when thinking about training to become a coach and mentor.

We say this because the more experience you have, obviously, the more you bring to the job.

Jo Ellen has worked in the business and arts communities in one form or another, and on both sides of the Atlantic, for 30 years. She trained as a psychotherapist and ran career development courses for a number of years before founding Impact Factory with Robin Chandler 14 years ago.

She has had years of personal psychotherapy and has a monthly session with her own supervisor. She has also changed careers a number of times and has real insight into how to ‘take the plunge’ and move one when something isn’t working well.

She writes, appears on radio and telly.

She’s a brilliant networker and isn’t particularly self-deprecating about what she can offer people.

Through all her years of experience, one consistent theme has been her focus on enabling other people to do their work better.

Most importantly, she has never sat around waiting for someone else to make it happen for her – she’s just gone and done it, success or failure being far less important than the doing.

All of that makes her excellent in her role as a coach and mentor.

So what’s the point?

Why we’ve given you that thumbnail sketch is that we get lots of enquiries from people wanting to become coaches and mentors who are looking for someone else to make it happen for them.

That ain’t going to work.

If you want to train as a coach and mentor, you need to take a good, impartial look at yourself to see if you’ve got what it takes.

Remember earlier we said that everyone seems to getting on the coaching and mentoring bandwagon? Well, we feel pretty strongly that a lot of them should get off. Having said that, the profession is open for good, committed people.

You may be one of them.

Using a Coach or Mentor

How do I get one?

As we can see there’s no shortage of people wanting to become coaches and mentors. But what if you want to use one. Where do you begin?

Of course, the best place to look is your workplace. If they already have a corporate coaching and mentoring programme that you aren’t accessing, get yourself to HR ASAP and ask to be assigned one.

You could also look around your company and identify someone you think would make an excellent coach or mentor and ask them if they’d be willing.

Using either a formal or informal approach is equally effective. The key is working with someone you like, admire and with whom you feel comfortable.

Anything else I should be aware of?

There are a few important things that will help you make the most of your coach or mentor.

Meet with them on a regular basis – whether fortnightly, monthly, quarterly, etc

Set clear objectives

Rely on them for guidance, not answers

Be honest

A mentor isn’t a dumping ground

Using a coach or mentor is one of the best ways to develop yourself and is a great way not to have to go it alone.

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who provide Coaching and Mentoring, Public Speaking, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

I’m happy. My Email software has developed a frustrating problem, it’s been raining for days, the car has sprung a leak which will be very expensive to fix – and I’m still happy.

How can I tell?

How can anyone know when they’re happy? What does happiness mean? Predictably, the term means different things to different people at different times in their lives. For myself, I like the definition ‘An enduring feeling of contentment and capability’ – a sense that life is good on the whole, and that you can deal with whatever happens.

What Do You Really Want?

Since Aristotle, many thinkers have concluded that everything we do is ultimately aimed at achieving happiness. We save for a holiday, long for an impressive car, have another drink, get to know popular people, strive for success – all because we think it will make us happy. A friend once told me, while I was hoping to sign a recording contract, ‘Careful what you wish for – you may get it’. I was offered the contract, signed it and almost immediately it became a disaster. Soon after, I was spending a lot of effort on getting released from it. We tend to confuse what we actually want with things we think will get it for us – and we can learn from our experience.

One sure way to increase your happiness quotient is by making sure the things you do every day fit in with the things you find important – your values. I know successful businessmen who neglect their families by working sixty-hour weeks. When we discuss their careers I usually learn that all their effort is dedicated to giving their families the very best: a private education, a lavish lifestyle. I know wives of such men who feel lonely and unhappy and wish for a simpler, closer way of living. Whoever said ‘Time is money’ was wrong – you can lose money and make it again. Those businessmen often find ways of creating a different balance between work and home, often by learning to let go of things they had felt the need to control and learning how to trust others more and share the load.

Happiness is something you do.

More recently, during training for my work, I realised a vital point about happiness: it isn’t a thing or a place or something that happens to us, it’s an activity. Now I think of it in that way I feel better. I have a lot of choice in what I do, so the chances are that I can do more happiness – hey, it works for me.

Author Andrew Matthews writes on happiness: ‘It is like maintaining a nice home – you’ve got to hang on to your treasures and throw out the garbage.’

Finding Flow

In his book ‘Finding Flow’, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes how he and his team found ways of tracking just how happy people are at different times of day. The key is ‘Flow’ – a combination of high challenge and high skill. People experience flow in different ways, but some things are common to all. At such times ‘…what we feel, what we wish and what we think are in harmony. These moments are what I have called flow experiences ….. athletes refer to it as being “in the zone”… ‘.
For me, flow is when I lose track of time because I’m so absorbed in what I’m doing.

Swept Away

We tend to feel some flow when working, travelling, talking, socialising and having sex. Our strongest experiences of flow tend to be our hobbies and sports, or when responding to a great movie or performance (not passively watching, but on the edge of our seats) or being swept away by music or an exciting football match. The opposite of flow would be deep in an apathetic trance, like the Royle family, gaping at the TV. Flow goes with active, rather than passive enjoyment. It involves stretching ourselves by operating near the limits of our skill. We do flow activities because we like doing them, rather than simply because we imagine they will bring us some benefit. In the process we may experience frustration, pain or expense, yet we still want to take part.

The Happiness Habit

The more I work with people to help them achieve what they want, the more I believe that attention is the key. We all know the story of the optimist and the pessimist looking at the same glass which contains water up to the halfway mark. To the optimist, the glass is half-full, to the pessimist it’s half empty. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist sees the hole. One looks for what’s wrong, the other for what’s right. What are they actually doing that’s different from each other?

When you concentrate on something repeatedly, nerve cells in your brain link up to form networks that act a bit like electrical circuits, each designed to do a particular thing. The thing each circuit does is an unconscious programme, better known as a habit. People normally form habits through repetition. The first time you go somewhere you need to look for street names, maybe read a map. When you’re used to going there you can do it without giving it any attention. The fact is, we spend most of our lives doing our habits. This is fine. As long as your habits are in harmony with your values, you tend to be pretty happy.

New Habits for Old

If your values and habits work against each other they can prevent you from growing as a person, stop you from being able to relax or cause you to dislike yourself. So is this just too bad, or can you really change? Well, it depends on how much of your attention you’re prepared to commit to changing. You see, you form habits by shining the light of your attention on doing something until you can do it automatically. That leaves your attention free for the next learning. When you want to change that habit, you need to give your attention, first to unlearning, then to replacing it. (In my experience this is most effectively and quickly done in trance.) Much of my work is helping people to be in charge of the part of the brain that is the switchbox for their attention so that they can focus on things that bring them flow.

The formula is very simple: whatever you put your attention on fills your life.

Choosing a Vision

This fact goes way beyond the subject of happiness. Top athletes use techniques of mental rehearsal to prepare themselves for success. It’s no accident that the term Vision is so prominent in current thinking. When top performers are studied closely, to find out what the vital difference is, they always create vivid images in their minds of what they want. It seems that the more detailed and desirable the images are the more powerful the effect. Naturally, they still have to do all the preparation and hard work but those factors alone don’t guarantee success, it’s the combination of all the elements that makes an outstanding performer.

Little Voices In My Head

When it comes to happiness, high achievement may not be as important as the way we choose to focus on certain aspects of our lives. Some people run a commentary in their mind’s ear. Whatever they do, they criticise themselves.
‘…there you go again… typical! Whatever you do it goes wrong…you fool…’

Some people act as if they could read minds. They usually don’t like what they guess people are thinking about them. ‘…did you see the way she looked at you? You know what that means don’t you? She thinks you’re stupid…’ or ‘I wish I hadn’t come…they’re sneering at me because I’m not as successful…..’ Those little voices are auditory habits that were originally intended to help you, but have now become unhelpful. You can probably stop doing them by ignoring the words and turning the sound of the voice into something absurd – like Donald Duck, or whoever makes you laugh. People I have worked with have used the voices of Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Frankie Howerd, Victoria Wood and many others. Have a go and see what happens to how you feel.

Don’t worry – Be Happy

Broadly speaking, anxiety is imagining what you don’t want and then responding in your body as if it were happening in the present. Feeling down might involve focusing on past unhappiness and feeling as if it was still happening or only hearing criticism, never praise. These are simplifications, but they reveal the kinds of processes that underly these unhappy conditions. In each case, the individual is following habits of mind, often learnt early in life when we are inexperienced and impressionable. The good news is that these are only habits and habits can be changed. In many cases all you need to do is remember to do the behaviour you want for a new habit every day for three weeks continuously and it will become automatic. Some habits are easier to change than others. For losing the more persistent bad habits there are specialist techniques to help you succeed.

Greater Expectations

I don’t mean to give the impression that everyone needs to go around smiling constantly. Tragedies and disappointments happen and it’s important to let yourself feel what you feel at the time. Covering up your emotions can lead to bigger problems later on. What I mean is, just as you expect a cut to stop bleeding and heal after a while, it’s reasonable to expect to move on after grieving or hurting. Nobody needs to put up with persistent unhappiness these days. We have learned more about how our minds work in the last thirty years than in the whole of history and the news is encouraging.

Accepting Your Own Power

I have known a great many people who have changed their minds about who they are and what they can reasonably expect from life. A woman I know decided that she could do more than work at menial tasks for low wages by accepting that she could learn new things. When she told her boss why she was leaving, the boss said ‘You’ll never amount to anything’. She signed up for a training course and found she was right – she could learn. She enjoyed it so much that she learned how to train others. Now she earns well over double her previous income organising courses and trainers and encouraging other people to believe in themselves. She altered the way she saw herself – from ‘I won’t expect much so I won’t be disappointed’ to ‘I have the right to choose how I live my life and how I respond to the world’. She isn’t pretending, rather she has accepted her own power and chosen to wake up to the possibilities life offers.

As Henry Ford said: ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right’.

Now, about those New Year’s resolutions… All the best for the year ahead.

Graham Smith’s album ‘Calmtime, relaxation music to help calm your baby during pregnancy, breastfeeding and to help generally with stressed out, crying babies and for all the family to relax’, is available from http://www.calmtime.co.uk
You can read about how he uses NLP and hypnosis to help people live the lives they want at http://www.smithandfriends.co.uk

Work

According to a recent survey, 40% of workers described their jobs as very stressful. Because we all spend so much time at work, job-related stress can be very harmful.

You need to identify the circumstances at work that cause you the most stress and take action. You may say that’s obvious, but many people make like an ‘ostrich’, trying hard to ignore the problem, because they don’t want to face up to the consequences.

Action could mean talking to your boss or personnel manager to arrange a job transfer or change or responsibilities, or it could mean changing jobs or even careers.

Relationships

Often you don’t choose your family and many of your relationships, and you don’t always get on with everybody. Anger and emotions are often ’stored-up’ until they explode.

Emotional stress can be relieved greatly by talking, either to a support group of friends or professional counsellors.

Pregnancy and sex

Pregnancy and sex is an emotive subject that can also cause much stress. Pregnant mothers worry about their unborn babies and spouses worry about many issues from performance in bed to infidelity and infertility.

If you suffer from these causes you will benefit by sweeping aside taboos and fears, talking openly about your problems to partner or spouse.

Yoga or other forms of bodywork, such as massage can be very effective here, especially for mothers-to-be.

Study and learning

Study and learning can cause much distress, weather it’s professional exams and qualifications or college studies. Often the problem is time-management. There just are not enough hours in the day.

Being a student can be a difficult period for many of us but there is much you can do to counteract the stressful effects of studying and exams.

Plan ahead, especially when there is an exam at the end. Allow more time than you think you need. Create a quiet space for studying where you are not disturbed. Schedule your study time and don’t allow it to be hijacked.

Health problems

Health problems can cause considerable stress and vice versa. A vicious cycle can be created. Which comes first? Or, more importantly what can you do to break the cycle?

So what illnesses and health problems are linked to stress?

Stress can affect heart disease and strokes, immune disorders, gastrointestinal problems, eating disorders and diabetes. It can cause tension, pain and insomnia, headaches, migraines and sexual dysfunction. It can also impair memory and concentration.

This is just a short selection!

Traumatic events

Serious accidents or traumatic events can be a source of stress, not just at the time of the event, but for many years after.

Traumatic events often causes ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’, which is usually treated by professionals. However, many less traumatic events can be helped enormously with simple stress relievers and stress management techniques.

Children and teenagers

Children and teenagers can be a source of much stress. And as parents it can be a double bind. Their stress is causing your distress or it could be that you have difficult or unruly teenagers making your life much harder.

In particular, teenagers are often stressed by growing pains and learning to live in an adult world. As adults, problems that you take in your stride, can be a source of great anguish to them.

Talking to them, in a non-confrontational way, to discover the source of the problem can work. Babies don’t come with manuals and we have to learn how to be good parents by experience. But there are many guides to being a good parent available on the Internet and bookstores.

Unhealthy lifestyle

Unhealthy lifestyles are the modern stressors. Drinking, smoking, drugs junk food and vegetating in front of the TV, all contribute to stress much more than you may realise.

Our bodies and minds are like machines. They need to be used to regularly in order to function in peak condition. We need to feed them with the correct nutrients, exercise them properly and not abuse them.

Understanding what causes you stress will help you greatly to take back control of your life. Start learning about stress and seek out solutions that strike a chord with you.

And it doesn’t have to be medications or pills. There are many effective techniques and strategies that are completely natural and kind to you and your health.

Selecting the best combination of techniques, to either reduce or eliminate your stress problem, is really a personal choice.

Whatever you do, start your search today.