Will you be asked to pay Private Mortgage Insurance, or PMI?
Most lenders will require you to carry PMI if you cannot put 20% or more of your loan amount forward as a down payment. PMI protects the LENDER in case you default on your payments. PMI does not protect you, the borrower. The lender will secure the PMI policy for you, and you will pay for it. Most people choose to have PMI added to their monthly mortgage payments, but other payment arrangements are possible. The monthly cost of PMI is based on your loan amount. An approximate cost of PMI for a $100,000.00 loan is about $50.00 a month.

Your Magic Number

When the equity in your home reaches 20%, you can have the PMI policy cancelled. Your monthly payment will be recalculated to reflect that you are no longer paying for the insurance, and you can save some money. But lenders do not have to cancel your PMI until your equity reaches 22%, so you can spend extra money on this that you don’t have to. Your best bet is to figure the dollar amount that you need to reach in order to have 20% equity. Then, obtain an amortization schedule from your lender, and see when you will reach that figure. That is the date to keep in mind so you can cancel it without any extra cost to you.

It’s Not Always Automatic

Not all people have the convenience of having their PMI automatically cancelled. The Homebuyer’s Protection Act that requires lenders to do this does not cover loans that closed before July 29, 1999. It also does not cover VA loans or FHA loans. So be aware that you might not have someone else taking care of this for you. Check it out!

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There is an insightful story about a man who lost his legs and left arm in a tragic accident. After the accident, only a finger and thumb remained on his right hand.

However, this man was brilliant, creative, and educated. He had gained much experience while traveling throughout the world. Yet, he became very depressed after his accident. He was afraid that he would spend his life suffering and would no longer be able to use his life in a meaningful way.

One day, he remembered how he had always loved getting letters. He realized that he still had partial function of his right hand and could write with difficulty. Then, he had an idea. “Why not write to other people who need encouragement?”

He wondered where he could find other people who felt alone and could be encouraged if they read his letters. He thought of people in prisons. Many of these people had hope of regaining their freedom. Others would keep feeling dejected and remain locked away for the rest of their lives. He decided that he must try to reach them.

He wrote to a prison ministry about sending letters to the inmates. The prison minister replied that writing to the inmates would be acceptable. However, it would be against prison rules for the inmates to write back. The reply stated, “Unfortunately, your letters will not be answered.”

Filled with the intention of his idea, the man knew he had to write his letters. He began sending one-way messages of God’s love, hope, strength, and encouragement.

He wrote twice a week, testing his strength and ability to the limit. He poured his heart and soul into his words, sharing his experience, sense of humor, optimism, and faith.

It was difficult to write those letters, especially without hope of a reply. Frequently, he felt discouraged. He often wondered if anyone actually read his letters. However, this was his one remaining chance, a truly worthwhile purpose. He resolved to continue as long as God gave him the encouragement and strength to write.

One day he received a letter from the prison ministry. It was a short note from the officer who monitored and censored the prison mail.

The letter said, “Please write on the best paper you can afford. Your letters are passed from cell to cell until they literally fall to pieces!”

No matter what circumstances life may present, we all have unique experiences, abilities, and God-given talents. We can discover ways to reach others who desperately need messages of encouragement and strength. This discovery begins with a commitment to what our hearts tell us is a worthwhile purpose.

When we commit to a worthwhile purpose, we begin to fill needs, often in miraculous ways. Intention and commitment grow stronger when we have very important reasons to follow a dream.

Ask yourself these questions:

What has been my best response to challenging, unexpected situations?

What reasons would I need to make a commitment to my most cherished dream?

How could I use a skill or talent to bring life-changing encouragement to someone today?

William Arthur Ward wrote, “A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”

You can begin writing letters of encouragement and strength by thinking faith-filled thoughts. Then, act with faith in your ideas, talent, and purpose. Helping others receive encouragement will create self-encouragement and reveal the blessings that your unique purpose will bring to the world.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

Getting woman two pieces for girls should be one of the most nice things men could perform – and at the same time one of the most tense and dodgy present to buy.

Consider it’s not your gift, but it’s your woman’s. Don’t think about leather, PVC, or any super sexy outfit, take something silky or lacey and you will be OK.

Do not attempt to guess your girl’s size, preferred style. Unluckily, women don’t work in small, medium, large, and XL sizes similar to men. Do your enquiries to begin with. Hold your horses in anticipation of she goes out and then search her nickers drawer.

Search and find things with the tag in it and take notes of the shapes and styles she is keen on. Bear in mind that superfluities like cord and ornaments can be attractive and sexy if you be familiar with what your spouse generally wears. I found out that my companion likes bikini lingerie. I had no idea Lingerie were only for the beach.

Lingerie two-pieces instead can be in effect any skin-tight skimpy, or minute undergarment that supplies less coverage to the midsection than customary undergarment, panties or knickers. In fact Lingerie two-pieces mimes what you spot on the seaside.

The bikini happen to be a US$811 million industry yearly and it’s maybe the on the whole admired lady beachwear all-round the world as a result of the combination of the women’s power and fashion trends. Check this sexy corset tops from Panache, Sielei, Mademoiselle, Valisere, Vollers and Simone Perele

It is a very old invention. Bathing suit clothes put on by gils for exercise purposes are rapresented on Greek pitchers and images dating back to 1400 BC.

An antique image named “Bikini Girls” dating back to the Diocletian era (286-305 AD) in the island of Sicily in Italy shows a few ladies in mosaics on the flooring.

Near Naples there are also a number of symbols of the Roman divinity Venus dressed in a bathing suit.

The up to date bathing suit start off to come into sight again at the beginning of 1900, when Australian swimmer, Annette Kellerman was detained on a Boston coast for having “sexy” beachwear that happen to be conventional costume for ladies by 1910

The up to date bikini was invented by French engineer Louis Réard after world war two and was a shock when it appeared on French shores in 1947. He called it after Bikini Atoll in the Pacific ocean, the place of the operation atomic blast experiment on the first of July in 1946. His connection was that the burst of thrill created by it was supposed to be like a nuclear blast.

Concerning buying bikini for gift remember that most shops will efficiently gift wrap your acquisition for you if you demand for a little cost and this is well worth paying a bit extra for. And I advise to keep the receipt – just in case.

“Rescue your dreams.” “Never let the odds keep you from pursuing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.” These two pages from “Life’s Little Instruction Calendar Volume III (and More)” came into my life in the fall of 1997 when I was ready to really hear their truths and take them for my own. Now posted on my refrigerator they still remind and challenge me to live believing in my dreams, believing in myself.

The decade I worked at AOL enabled me to live an often dream-like existence in my work world. Dream-like because we had an inspiring vision and mission within which I was given opportunities to create and contribute at levels not often offered to people my age. Yet my personal life was far from dream-like. In the fall of 1997, I finally had the courage to reclaim my life from a debilitating marriage, to rescue it, and recreate it as something that fulfilled and inspired me.

I didn’t know for sure what shape my dream would take, though I knew it would have some of the same characteristics I’d experienced at AOL: purposeful, positive, fun, authentic, satisfying. I also believed that for me to be truly alive and be truly myself my path was going to look different than my past, different than I originally thought it would take.

The only thing that could have prevented me from finding my new path was the “odds” that I might not be able to muster the courage to pursue it. Whether it’s being different from others or simply being different from who I’d been, what would hold me back, if I let it, was not having the guts to take the risk to venture into unknown territory. “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” said French novelist Andre Gide. I couldn’t grab hold of the next version of Mary until I let go of the last. And circumstances were helping me to move on. For all the hard effort I’d put into my marriage, it still wasn’t working. For all the success I’d had at AOL I was being blocked to grow my career as I wanted.

At first I took these realizations very hard. Then I recognized how these circumstances were giving me the chance to get closer to the person I was meant to be and to the next set of things I was meant to do. So, I consented to lose sight of the shore.

Years ago I had a faint inkling to write a book about my lessons learned at AOL. Now I’ve written two books! When I started writing my first manuscript, I had no idea that I would start my own company to spread the bodacious message or speak in front of hundreds of women or conduct teleseminars or any of the activities I do today. All I knew is that I had to rescue my dreams and courageously walk forward.

In our tumultuous world, it’s easy to forget to dream and believe anything is possible, but, it truly is. And, it starts with allowing yourself to dream of what’s possible for your career, business, and life. Will you join me in rescuing our dreams?

Copyright 2006 Mary Foley

During a successful, demanding, rising through the ranks 10 year career with America Online Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous – bodacious! Today Mary inspires women everywhere to be bodacious in their lives, careers and businesses. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s e-book “How to Be Courageously in Charge of Your Life and Lovin’ It!” at http://www.gobodacious.com !

Life Fitness Treadmills form part of a five-star range that is used in five-star resorts, on luxury cruise ships, and in major corporate headquarters all over the world. Imagine having this quality fitness product available to you in the comfort of your own home! With a Life Fitness Treadmill, top-class performance and motivation is at your beck and call all day, every day.

The Life Fitness Treadmill range for home use, starts at the basic T30 model. The next level includes three Premier models. At the top of the range, the two Elite Home Version models, based on the popular Health Club Model, offer a luxurious treadmill experience.

The magic of an Elite Life Fitness Treadmill is that the machine is so inviting, that all the run of the mill exercise-dodging excuses just seem to peter out… You will find that you just hve to get on this treadmill!

This is particularly true with the T9e Elite with E3 LCD Entertainment System. The GoSystem One-Touch Quick Start will have you hit your stride, before you even get a chance to change your mind.

In the T9e Elite Life Fitness Treadmill, the powerful, robust 4 HP MagnaDrive Motor System comes with an equally enduring lifetime warranty. The quietness of the continuous-duty motor belies its potency, and the system adjusts power automatically according to your weight.

The usual Life Fitness Treadmill joint protection system is in place in the form of FlexDeck Shock Absorption. A welcome bonus is the adjustability of the cushioning. Every member of the household will be able to run on a surface that is exactly to his or her liking.

Lifepulse digital contact heart rate monitoring and Polar wireless heart rate monitoring are important motivating factors, while putting yourself to the test with the interactive heart rate workouts. These programs include a cardio, fat burn, hill, interval, and extreme workout.

If endurance building is your aim, the Distance Goal program of the Life Fitness Treadmill will be your best choice. Unwanted pounds put on a disappearing act, when you engage the help of the Calories Goal program. In all, 16 pre-programmed workouts, and 13 custom workouts are available to assist you in reaching your training targets. The endless variety offers all the motivation you need.

If you are looking for a training partner for life, look no further than the Life Fitness Treadmill.

For more information see this killer ab workout article.

Rika Susan of Article-Alert.com researches, writes, and publishes full-time on the Web. Copyright of this article: 2006 Rika Susan. This article may be reprinted if the resource box and hyperlinks are left intact.

Alot of poor people who received artificial hip applied in their hip replacement surgical procedures are learning that there are negative ramifications that far exceed the regular expectations for recovery. These implant recipients are feeling a lot of supplemental pain for longer time periods, required to undergo revision operations and enlarged medical expenses, and losing revenue by not physically being able to work at their official businesses. Although Zimmer Holdings, Inc. is demanding that that their hip replacement implant is not conceivably imperfect and not to blame for the surgical failures, numerous implant recipients are filing lawsuits against them and encountering settlements.

These troubled poor people definitely merit some aid and compensation which is why product liability attorneys are encouraging them to file a lawsuit. defective hip implant has been resolving these claims before they go to court. Still, even if the payoff they are being offered by all standards seems reasonable, in many cases poor people are resolving too fast and with no allowance being made for ongoing issues in the future. If they don’t wait to find out what cases are actually going to be worth, individuals may find themselves ending up paying alot more money from their own pocket when further complications arise.

Anyone who realizes they may have a claim against Zimmer may consider checking into it. If you think you may qualify, you should visit a lawyer to be certain. Try to find a lawfirm that covers nationally and who has a main focus on litigation against irregular medical devices. This law firm has gone so far as to setup a special division to uncover the details and take care of the claims against Zimmer and secure equitable settlements for their customers.

If your orthopedic Dr. informs you that you will need to undergo a revision operation to resolve your Zimmer Durom hip replacement device, call an lawyer immediately.

Once your attorney realizes that you have a good case, be prepared to spend some time waiting it out for the best possible settlement that you could possible get. Take notice of the advice that your lawyer provides for you and do not rush the process including the restitution. This is the time to be patient and ensure the largest amount of money available to you.

Imagine for a moment that you are a champion. You are the best in your town . No, you are the best in your country. How does that make you feel? Good yeah? You are a champion. What are you the champion of? What is your major strength? Are you a good leader? A good strategist. A great tactician. A team builder perhaps. A great listener. Perhaps you have the ability to develop and grow the skills of others. Whatever it is, you have the talent to become a champion. All you need to do is to understand what it is that makes a champion. In this article we are going to introduce you to a new awareness. We are going to open up your mind to the invisible world of what makes a champion.

Personally, we think there are four major criteria that make a champion. You probably know what they are: Talent, courage, tenacity and mind set. You have each of them but do you use them?

Guess what! You have the talent to become a champion. But first it is a case of identifying what your talent is. It is easy if you have a talent for running, swimming, cycling, football or any sporting talent but we are talking of a talent that is not readily identifiable but can make you into a champion.
.

Stop for a moment. We want you to take a little time and think about your own talents and qualities. Just let your mind roll back and list all your achievements. All the things never mind how big or small that YOU consider to be an achievement in your life.

Now review your list. Can you see a pattern?

Listen to yourself…… What do you feel is important to you. Be honest.

What are you good at?

What do you like doing?

Are YOU competitive?

Does your pattern and your inside voice show you, you get your kicks from helping others; being useful to society or does money motivate you?

Now you are sure you have talent. Perhaps there is a natural energy about you. A way in which others naturally listen to what you have to say. Perhaps it is an ability to make others follow you. Perhaps you are naturally persistent. You find others naturally do what you suggested. Perhaps you have natural courage. Perhaps it is a talent that is easily recognisable like painting, drawing, playing football or whatever.

Whatever it is you are now able to identify your key core skills, your talents. The skills that you use when you are functioning at your full potential.

But there is a long road between identifying your talents and being a champion. If you want to be a champion you need to harness other talents. Those that have been on idle or haven’t been used at all because you are totally preoccupied with a certain way of living. Those that have, for whatever reason, been pushed into the background and forgotten. In our experience, people often sabotage their own efforts. They are aware they have special skills, abilities and qualities but they keep them turned off most of the time. They go through life only make effort when they want to make effort. Then and only then do they fully utilise their hidden talents. At that time, and that time only, are they at their most alert.

Think for a moment and list your hidden, natural talents that you know exist but are not being fully used.

The point is now you have written down and accepted both your hidden and surface skills, abilities and qualities do you have the courage to use them to reach your full potential.
Do you have the courage to succeed?

Do you have the courage to accept that there is a different life out there for you? A life where you are a champion. A person who lives or wants to live to their full potential.

Do you have the courage to go against the ‘natural’ flow dictated by others? To overcome the dream stealers with their pronouncements of gloom. For example: “you can’t make money out of that”. “You are not good enough”. “Do you know how many people have tried to make a living doing that?” Etc etc etc. All destined to stop you from fulfilling your potential.

If you want to reach your potential. If you want to succeed. You have to have courage. The courage to focus on your skills, abilities, qualities, talents and stay with them and work out how you can best live a full life rather than one you feel you ought to live in order to keep others happy and make a living.

Now you have identified all your attributes and have the courage to move forward do you have the tenacity to be a champion?.
Do you have the determination to keep going when all appears to be against you?
Can you dig deep and keep focussed on your dream when others are putting you down? Tenacity means the ability to keep focussed on your dream.
To be determined to improve your skills, talent and abilities day in day out.
To Practice. For example: A musician has a talent, skills and abilities but is useless without daily practice. Do you have the tenacity, the determination to practice your skills daily? If you are a writer do you write every day? If you are a salesperson do you practice your product knowledge everyday? Are you totally aware of your competitors product? Are you aware of the most likely questions a potential customer is likely to ask? Do you talk to someone everyday about you product? If you are a web designer do you practice every day? Are you a member of numerous forums to hone your skills?

Whatever your skill is, whatever your talent is, do you practice it every day. Do you constantly search the web and other periodicals for information about your skills and abilities to make you better than everyone else? Or are you satisfied with your level of skill? Are you driven to be a champion or do you accept second, third, fourth….place?

What is your mindset? What are the thoughts that run your life? Are they negative or positive? Do you tell yourself that providing you scrape by all is well? If only I can earn $20,000 dollars a year I will be OK. Or do you tell yourself to use your abilities, skills and qualities to the full each and every day? Whatever motivates you; money, prestige, social conscience, whatever, look at your mindset? Do you have the thoughts of a champion or the thoughts of a competitor?.

So what makes champions? Talent, Courage, Tenacity and Mindset. The ability to constantly make an effort. The ability to work at what you want. The ability to believe in yourself. The ability to keep going when others have thrown in the towel. The ability to realise that you can achieve your dream. The ability to keep focussed. Talent and mental strength. The willingness to keep practicing, keep developing your talent irrespective of what others say. You have the ability. You have the talent. All you have to do is believe in yourself.

What makes a champion? The invisible world of Talent, Courage, Tenacity and Mindset. This is what makes a champion.

Good Luck

Graham and Julie

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http://www.desktop-meditation.com. It’s free.

The current trend is for an increase in coaching and mentoring in the workplace.

Coaching and mentoring, whether on an executive level or for overall staff, are increasingly being recognised as important in employee development. It is acknowledged by senior management in many organisations that their company will thrive if they offer some form of coaching and mentoring to their staff.

We are particularly aware at how much this trend for coaching and mentoring has grown in the UK, as this is where most of our clients are based.

We work with companies who automatically assign a mentor to new employees, some who leave it up to the employee to seek out a coach for themselves, some who don’t or won’t see the advantage of having coaches for their people and just about everything in between.

Fortunately, many more companies are giving their people an understanding of the benefits of coaching and mentoring, of which there are many, and more people are training and acquiring qualifications in coaching and mentoring than ever before.

What Coaching and Mentoring Training is available?

People can get a professional qualification in coaching and mentoring, a certificate in coaching and mentoring; there are many courses offering training in coaching development, creative mentoring, career coaching, face to face training, on-line training, workplace mentoring, becoming a coaching and mentoring consultant, building a coaching network, business approaches to coaching and mentoring, distance learning, management mentoring, staff coaching, in house training courses, ‘out’ house training courses. There are basic courses and advanced coaching and mentoring training and qualifications.

The list truly is endless!

It seems as though everyone from business schools to the corner shop is getting on the coaching and mentoring bandwagon.

This isn’t a bad thing.

How do I know what to do?

The only problem is that for someone who has never used a coach or mentor before, it can all be very confusing.

For those who want to train to become a coach or mentor, the choices can seem daunting: ‘Where do I begin?’

For companies who want to initiate a coaching and mentoring programme, they want reassurance of the tangible benefits and return on their investment.

What we aim to do here is to give you a brief overview, understanding and insight into just exactly what coaching and mentoring means, some coaching and mentoring theory and to give our view on what it takes to be a good coach or mentor.

Coaching and Mentoring overview

Is there a difference between Coaching and Mentoring?

We’re going to cop out here and say there probably can’t be a definitive answer to this. The two terms seem to be increasingly linked and are often used interchangeably.

These happen to be our definitions, but we’re sure you’ll find a bunch of others if you look around.

Coaching: we see a business, corporate or executive coach in much the way we see a sports coach. This person sets specific goals and objectives, sees what you need to do to achieve them and works with you on target setting, professional and personal development, expansion of your skills base and offers practical and relevant advice and guidance.

Mentoring: a mentor can almost be seen as a wise, experienced friend or favourite aunt or uncle type person. A mentor leads by example and is a role model. They might be very good at helping you see the big picture and understand the politics of the organisation you work for.

A coach can be a mentor and a mentor can be a coach, or the role can be rolled into one. The key is that whatever term you use, the person being coached or mentored gets unbiased support and guidance.

Benefits of Coaching and Mentoring

When you work with a coach or mentor you will benefit in many ways:

Have a safe place to offload

Develop skills you already have

Learn new skills

Gain insight into yourself and the people you work with

Get unbiased, confidential support

Gain fresh perspectives on your issues

Get advice, suggestions and options

Coaching and Mentoring Theory

We’re probably the wrong company to ask about coaching and mentoring theory. As a matter of fact, we’re not too hot on theory since we believe that you can’t pigeonhole people and impose a template of how coaching and mentoring should look.

On one level, we suppose that you could say that having a counselling skill is a good ‘theoretical’ place to start. The principles that a good counsellor needs to have are equally true for good coaches and mentors:

Maintains confidentiality

Excellent listening and responding skills

Non-judgemental

Objective outlook

Advises rather than tells

Has the ‘mentee’s’ best interests at heart

Coaching and Mentoring Development

Coaching and Mentoring Training

As we said earlier, the list is endless when it comes to ’stuff’ around coaching and mentoring. There are stacks of training courses, programmes, qualifications, certificates and workshops all claiming to provide you with the skills needed to become a coach and/or mentor.

We can’t say which of these is any good. There are some essentials to look for when finding the right training for you.

No promises about outcomes

It shouldn’t cost the earth

It needs to have a high degree of integrity

It should be practical and experiential

You should feel a compatibility with the people running it

You should be given lots of individual suggestions on how to develop yourself as a coach/mentor

Trust your tummy! Meet up before you sign up and ask lots of questions.

An example of someone who’s ‘doing it’

We can, however, give you an insight into one of the people within Impact Factory who is a coach and mentor and the range of skills she has which help her do the job.

Jo Ellen Grzyb, one of the founding partners, has an eclectic background, which we believe is a good place to start when thinking about training to become a coach and mentor.

We say this because the more experience you have, obviously, the more you bring to the job.

Jo Ellen has worked in the business and arts communities in one form or another, and on both sides of the Atlantic, for 30 years. She trained as a psychotherapist and ran career development courses for a number of years before founding Impact Factory with Robin Chandler 14 years ago.

She has had years of personal psychotherapy and has a monthly session with her own supervisor. She has also changed careers a number of times and has real insight into how to ‘take the plunge’ and move one when something isn’t working well.

She writes, appears on radio and telly.

She’s a brilliant networker and isn’t particularly self-deprecating about what she can offer people.

Through all her years of experience, one consistent theme has been her focus on enabling other people to do their work better.

Most importantly, she has never sat around waiting for someone else to make it happen for her – she’s just gone and done it, success or failure being far less important than the doing.

All of that makes her excellent in her role as a coach and mentor.

So what’s the point?

Why we’ve given you that thumbnail sketch is that we get lots of enquiries from people wanting to become coaches and mentors who are looking for someone else to make it happen for them.

That ain’t going to work.

If you want to train as a coach and mentor, you need to take a good, impartial look at yourself to see if you’ve got what it takes.

Remember earlier we said that everyone seems to getting on the coaching and mentoring bandwagon? Well, we feel pretty strongly that a lot of them should get off. Having said that, the profession is open for good, committed people.

You may be one of them.

Using a Coach or Mentor

How do I get one?

As we can see there’s no shortage of people wanting to become coaches and mentors. But what if you want to use one. Where do you begin?

Of course, the best place to look is your workplace. If they already have a corporate coaching and mentoring programme that you aren’t accessing, get yourself to HR ASAP and ask to be assigned one.

You could also look around your company and identify someone you think would make an excellent coach or mentor and ask them if they’d be willing.

Using either a formal or informal approach is equally effective. The key is working with someone you like, admire and with whom you feel comfortable.

Anything else I should be aware of?

There are a few important things that will help you make the most of your coach or mentor.

Meet with them on a regular basis – whether fortnightly, monthly, quarterly, etc

Set clear objectives

Rely on them for guidance, not answers

Be honest

A mentor isn’t a dumping ground

Using a coach or mentor is one of the best ways to develop yourself and is a great way not to have to go it alone.

Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who provide Coaching and Mentoring, Public Speaking, Presentation Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and Executive Coaching for Individuals.

‘Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.’
Abraham Lincoln

I’m happy. My Email software has developed a frustrating problem, it’s been raining for days, the car has sprung a leak which will be very expensive to fix – and I’m still happy.

How can I tell?

How can anyone know when they’re happy? What does happiness mean? Predictably, the term means different things to different people at different times in their lives. For myself, I like the definition ‘An enduring feeling of contentment and capability’ – a sense that life is good on the whole, and that you can deal with whatever happens.

What Do You Really Want?

Since Aristotle, many thinkers have concluded that everything we do is ultimately aimed at achieving happiness. We save for a holiday, long for an impressive car, have another drink, get to know popular people, strive for success – all because we think it will make us happy. A friend once told me, while I was hoping to sign a recording contract, ‘Careful what you wish for – you may get it’. I was offered the contract, signed it and almost immediately it became a disaster. Soon after, I was spending a lot of effort on getting released from it. We tend to confuse what we actually want with things we think will get it for us – and we can learn from our experience.

One sure way to increase your happiness quotient is by making sure the things you do every day fit in with the things you find important – your values. I know successful businessmen who neglect their families by working sixty-hour weeks. When we discuss their careers I usually learn that all their effort is dedicated to giving their families the very best: a private education, a lavish lifestyle. I know wives of such men who feel lonely and unhappy and wish for a simpler, closer way of living. Whoever said ‘Time is money’ was wrong – you can lose money and make it again. Those businessmen often find ways of creating a different balance between work and home, often by learning to let go of things they had felt the need to control and learning how to trust others more and share the load.

Happiness is something you do.

More recently, during training for my work, I realised a vital point about happiness: it isn’t a thing or a place or something that happens to us, it’s an activity. Now I think of it in that way I feel better. I have a lot of choice in what I do, so the chances are that I can do more happiness – hey, it works for me.

Author Andrew Matthews writes on happiness: ‘It is like maintaining a nice home – you’ve got to hang on to your treasures and throw out the garbage.’

Finding Flow

In his book ‘Finding Flow’, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes how he and his team found ways of tracking just how happy people are at different times of day. The key is ‘Flow’ – a combination of high challenge and high skill. People experience flow in different ways, but some things are common to all. At such times ‘…what we feel, what we wish and what we think are in harmony. These moments are what I have called flow experiences ….. athletes refer to it as being “in the zone”… ‘.
For me, flow is when I lose track of time because I’m so absorbed in what I’m doing.

Swept Away

We tend to feel some flow when working, travelling, talking, socialising and having sex. Our strongest experiences of flow tend to be our hobbies and sports, or when responding to a great movie or performance (not passively watching, but on the edge of our seats) or being swept away by music or an exciting football match. The opposite of flow would be deep in an apathetic trance, like the Royle family, gaping at the TV. Flow goes with active, rather than passive enjoyment. It involves stretching ourselves by operating near the limits of our skill. We do flow activities because we like doing them, rather than simply because we imagine they will bring us some benefit. In the process we may experience frustration, pain or expense, yet we still want to take part.

The Happiness Habit

The more I work with people to help them achieve what they want, the more I believe that attention is the key. We all know the story of the optimist and the pessimist looking at the same glass which contains water up to the halfway mark. To the optimist, the glass is half-full, to the pessimist it’s half empty. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist sees the hole. One looks for what’s wrong, the other for what’s right. What are they actually doing that’s different from each other?

When you concentrate on something repeatedly, nerve cells in your brain link up to form networks that act a bit like electrical circuits, each designed to do a particular thing. The thing each circuit does is an unconscious programme, better known as a habit. People normally form habits through repetition. The first time you go somewhere you need to look for street names, maybe read a map. When you’re used to going there you can do it without giving it any attention. The fact is, we spend most of our lives doing our habits. This is fine. As long as your habits are in harmony with your values, you tend to be pretty happy.

New Habits for Old

If your values and habits work against each other they can prevent you from growing as a person, stop you from being able to relax or cause you to dislike yourself. So is this just too bad, or can you really change? Well, it depends on how much of your attention you’re prepared to commit to changing. You see, you form habits by shining the light of your attention on doing something until you can do it automatically. That leaves your attention free for the next learning. When you want to change that habit, you need to give your attention, first to unlearning, then to replacing it. (In my experience this is most effectively and quickly done in trance.) Much of my work is helping people to be in charge of the part of the brain that is the switchbox for their attention so that they can focus on things that bring them flow.

The formula is very simple: whatever you put your attention on fills your life.

Choosing a Vision

This fact goes way beyond the subject of happiness. Top athletes use techniques of mental rehearsal to prepare themselves for success. It’s no accident that the term Vision is so prominent in current thinking. When top performers are studied closely, to find out what the vital difference is, they always create vivid images in their minds of what they want. It seems that the more detailed and desirable the images are the more powerful the effect. Naturally, they still have to do all the preparation and hard work but those factors alone don’t guarantee success, it’s the combination of all the elements that makes an outstanding performer.

Little Voices In My Head

When it comes to happiness, high achievement may not be as important as the way we choose to focus on certain aspects of our lives. Some people run a commentary in their mind’s ear. Whatever they do, they criticise themselves.
‘…there you go again… typical! Whatever you do it goes wrong…you fool…’

Some people act as if they could read minds. They usually don’t like what they guess people are thinking about them. ‘…did you see the way she looked at you? You know what that means don’t you? She thinks you’re stupid…’ or ‘I wish I hadn’t come…they’re sneering at me because I’m not as successful…..’ Those little voices are auditory habits that were originally intended to help you, but have now become unhelpful. You can probably stop doing them by ignoring the words and turning the sound of the voice into something absurd – like Donald Duck, or whoever makes you laugh. People I have worked with have used the voices of Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Frankie Howerd, Victoria Wood and many others. Have a go and see what happens to how you feel.

Don’t worry – Be Happy

Broadly speaking, anxiety is imagining what you don’t want and then responding in your body as if it were happening in the present. Feeling down might involve focusing on past unhappiness and feeling as if it was still happening or only hearing criticism, never praise. These are simplifications, but they reveal the kinds of processes that underly these unhappy conditions. In each case, the individual is following habits of mind, often learnt early in life when we are inexperienced and impressionable. The good news is that these are only habits and habits can be changed. In many cases all you need to do is remember to do the behaviour you want for a new habit every day for three weeks continuously and it will become automatic. Some habits are easier to change than others. For losing the more persistent bad habits there are specialist techniques to help you succeed.

Greater Expectations

I don’t mean to give the impression that everyone needs to go around smiling constantly. Tragedies and disappointments happen and it’s important to let yourself feel what you feel at the time. Covering up your emotions can lead to bigger problems later on. What I mean is, just as you expect a cut to stop bleeding and heal after a while, it’s reasonable to expect to move on after grieving or hurting. Nobody needs to put up with persistent unhappiness these days. We have learned more about how our minds work in the last thirty years than in the whole of history and the news is encouraging.

Accepting Your Own Power

I have known a great many people who have changed their minds about who they are and what they can reasonably expect from life. A woman I know decided that she could do more than work at menial tasks for low wages by accepting that she could learn new things. When she told her boss why she was leaving, the boss said ‘You’ll never amount to anything’. She signed up for a training course and found she was right – she could learn. She enjoyed it so much that she learned how to train others. Now she earns well over double her previous income organising courses and trainers and encouraging other people to believe in themselves. She altered the way she saw herself – from ‘I won’t expect much so I won’t be disappointed’ to ‘I have the right to choose how I live my life and how I respond to the world’. She isn’t pretending, rather she has accepted her own power and chosen to wake up to the possibilities life offers.

As Henry Ford said: ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right’.

Now, about those New Year’s resolutions… All the best for the year ahead.

Graham Smith’s album ‘Calmtime, relaxation music to help calm your baby during pregnancy, breastfeeding and to help generally with stressed out, crying babies and for all the family to relax’, is available from http://www.calmtime.co.uk
You can read about how he uses NLP and hypnosis to help people live the lives they want at http://www.smithandfriends.co.uk